Grief and Lent

Grief has a long shelf life, doesn’t it? At least that’s how it seems when you’re wanting the sadness to end. A friend sent me an email about giving up Lent for Lent. Damn wouldn’t I like to be able to give up being sad for lent? Looks like in addition to my goal of giving up plastics (even more than before), I get to give up more hope. Not sure why I kept holding on to the hope that things would work out with my ex. Now, this Mandolin Orange song really expresses it all for me. “There was a time when I called you mine….”*

 

Sleet and snow fall like a blowing curtain as I listen to sad songs. Seems fitting for Lent too doesn’t it? A dreary season during a dreary time of year. Lent seems like it would be easier in the summer. Winter is dark and we all need more sunshine. Everybody seems to be dying. The world is at odds with everything. It also wasn’t a good time for me to read Steven King’s book, The Stand. Talk about a depressing book.

Believe it or not, in spite of what I write up above, I know I will be okay. I am a strong person and am blessed to be loved by family and friends. We all have hard times. Life is challenging for each of us. I’m just at the angry and hurt place in my cycle of grief. Also at the place of letting go.

 

“If I showed up to your wedding
wearing black and blue and red
wouldn’t it seem fitting
cause I’m as bruised and angry as I’ve ever been.”

 

Letting go is its own challenge. We hold on to experiences, people, things we love because love is precious and often fleeting. The one thing that is beautiful in the book, The Stand, is how after everyone has died people realize how much life was taken for granted. The book also points out how guilty each of us are at taking our loved ones for granted in some way or another. I wish it weren’t true, but I know I’ve done it too.

Maybe the beauty of Lent is that it reminds us of the beauty in our lives. No matter when we would celebrate the season, sad things would still happen, people would still die around us. We live in an imperfect world. Each one of us does the best we can, one moment at a time. Maybe that’s all we can hope for in this finite world.

 

One marriage with many promises.

 

 

“Precious metal and precious memories
slip away, slip away from your finger and your mind.
There was a time when I called you,
There was a time when I called you mine.”

 

Sara Watkins, Sarah Jarosz, Aoife O’Donovan –

Crossing Muddy Waters

 

_______________________

* Full Lyrics

There Was a Time
If I showed up to your wedding
wearing black and blue and red
wouldn’t it seem fitting
cause I’m as bruised and angry as I’ve ever been.
There was a time when I called you,
There was a time when I called you mine.
This old house is cold and empty
even these old walls have been.
I laid down.
You’re not with me.
Waking up just seems a sin.
There was a time when I called you,
There was a time when I called you mine.
There’s no gold on either side of the Mississippi,
No silver left in this world to find.
Precious metal and precious memories
slip away, slip away from your finger and your mind.
There was a time when I called you,
There was a time when I called you mine.
Songwriters: MARLIN ANDREW H
There Was a Time lyrics © Seed Soup Songs
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